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Remember that scene in Sex and the City when Richard gives Samantha a pearl thong right before they Pearl g string porn to Atlantic City and Carrie has that really bad haircut?

It is not a coincidence that Samantha breaks up with him Pearl g string porn this same episode. OK, it's for a bunch of different reasons, but I have a hunch that all those reasons were exacerbated by having a WASPy jewelry item stuck up her crack.

How do I know? Because I stuck one up my own crack. Who knows how far back the tradition of the pearl thong Pearl g string porn You are probably thinking, Thongs are more comfortable than you'd think they are! Maybe this is too! You are wrong. The common misconception about pearl thongs is that, like a normal thong, the pearls are only on the Pearl g string porn side.

Not so. They are actually all the way aroundin a full U-shape, with only a lace band that resembles a normal thong. I found this out when I Pearl g string porn it on, right before the person I am dating came over, just to make sure that it fit. It fit as much as one of those things can fit, by Black cock fucks amateur wife bucket I mean, it was Pearl g string porn uncomfortable.

That's me in the pearl thong, at the top. I'm a ghost, did I mention that? Most women would keep the contextual, non-sexy assignment element of this pearl thong thing to themselves and simply give a guy they are dating a Sexy Surprise. I am not most women. Suffice it to say, after he made the face, I didn't really feel like I wanted to put it on after that, especially since we haven't been seeing each other that long and it was pretty clear he was already somewhat weirded out.

Besides, it's not like it would have stayed on that long, anyway. I think the idea is that when pearls rub against certain areas of your vagina, it's stimulating just to walk around see: Sex and the City. At the risk of overwhelming you with information, I just sort of started feeling chafed and sensitive after about an hour of walking around and picking up cat food and Glade plug-ins and generally running errands around my hood.

Also, going grocery shopping is really not conducive to arousal. Mostly people around me were just looking at me weird because I was grimacing and shifting around while trying to choose my Kashi. Look: If you stood still, it Pearl g string porn OK. Moving wasn't great. Sitting down was the worst. This is hard to describe without being gross, but My uniform of super-skinny toothpick J.

Crew jeans didn't help any. Maybe it would have been a little easier if I'd been wearing a teddy made of gossamer angel wings, or whatever, but sometimes a bitch needs to put pants on and go get batteries, you know what I'm saying? Note: You are obviously not supposed to run an afternoon of errands in a pearl thong, so that was my fault, not theirs. You're welcome. Follow Anna on Twitter. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Anna Breslaw Writer. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below.


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